I have worked in the sex industry for almost a decade.

I have learned more from the sex industry than I ever learned in any formal sex education curriculum.

What I learned is best described by Dr Carol Queen, in her chapter ‘Sex Radical Politics, Sex-Positive Feminist thought, and Whore Stigma’ in Jill Nagle (ed)’s book Whores and Other Feminists:

There is no sexual majority, although the whole society conspires to behave as though there were. Our clients - mostly married heterosexual men who show an illusory exterior of ‘normalcy’ (whatever that useless concept means) - are also cross-dressers, submissives, anally erotic, bisexual, fetishistic, wrapped in wild fantasies no traditional heterosexual marriage could ever contain.

Working in the sex industry taught me, as a young queer woman in corporate law, not to feel afraid or intimidated by hierarchical boys club mentalities in the professional world. The sex industry taught me boundary making, communication skills and how to dominate and humiliate large groups of men. Mostly though, I knew loud and clear that most of the Partners and Senior Associates I worked with most likely had a fetish for golden showers, adult baby play, trampling, or giant black dildos.

The sex industry did not teach me to hate men. As a stripper, I gave lap dances to young boys whose hearts had been broken by military service, who just needed to be held. I counselled clients through relationship breakdowns, and internalised stigma about their sexual desires. I had clients tell me fantasies others might see as depraved and which I saw as fantastic.

Media and radical feminist scholarship tells us that BDSM is violent. They tell us that receiving is passive, that submission is weak. Popular culture distinguishes between the penetrator and the penetrated like the latter is passive, submissive, docile, or what seems to be the dirtiest word around, feminised.

Let me tell you this. It is brave to open up and invite a strangers’ fist into your body. It is active to breathe, relax, and envelope a body part inside you. In school sex education they never tell you that vaginal muscles and sphincters were so powerful they could potentially break someone’s wrist. You need to be strong to let yourself trust fiercely, cry deeply and open greedily.

My interest in Mistressing is personal, professional and political. BDSM for me is about testing physical and emotional thresholds, healing, trust, open communication, consent and care in a space free from taboos, shame or stigma.

Feminist sociologist Eva Cox said once at a conference that she was tired of women feeling like they need to be nice. Women are taught to abide by a middle-class etiquette that involves deferral and docility.

I am tired of being nice.

This year I began training with incredibly professional and highly skilled Professional Dominatrix Mistress Tokyo (http://www.mistresstokyo.com/)As a voyeur and participant in Her fully equipped private dungeon, I have observed and assisted in scenes of anal fisting, suspension, CBT, electro play and piercing.

Mistress Tokyo is intelligent, elegant and articulate with nearly ten years professional and private experience in BDSM:

My session style is personal, intuitive and intense. Many of My sessions are BDSM-oriented and most have an element of Fetishism. Sessions I enjoy the most are those where the environment is conducive to both players pushing their individual boundaries to reach new heights of mental, physical and erotic stimulation. Regardless of whether a scene is sensual or strict - I believe pleasure is the reward for satisfying the Mistress’s desire, whatever that may entail.

I also believe sexuality and artistic creativity can dovetail to take the personal expression of Fetishism to new levels. I express My strong fetish for latex through My label “Gomu Latex”, where I make bondage gear and clothing to cater to My personal desires, for My play space and on commission from select clients.

Through Mistressing I hope to provide a service that is cruel but kind. I want to live out my own desires, and hear yours. I want to learn new skills, and execute them with diligence and ruthlessness.

To book Mistress Tokyo and Me for a session, please contact Mistress Tokyo on 0420 879 204. I am currently available to witness Her sessions and participate at a low level of engagement for a nominal tribute.

We have strenuous schedules outside of dungeon hours so, if you wish to see the two of us in session, appointments must be made at least 2 days in advance to guarantee our mutual availability.

We look very good in latex together, and especially when we are wielding torture devices and wicked grins.